Dreams & Nailbiting

As I stare at my giant, brown suitcase that already weighs 28 kilo's and isn't completely full yet, I instantaneously start shitting bricks, because I hope that I'd be allowed to take all of my stuff on board the British Airways jet! The day after tomorrow is going to be D-Day as I leave this shithole and fly off to the Land of the Rising Sun..

As my face is framed with a stoic expression that hasn't changed for days now, I'm still able to surprise myself with my perfectly calm state of mind. I'm feeling completely Zen now, which is a rare occasion, because I'm usually all over the place and annoyed with people who, speak to me in the morning, bitch to me about useless information or don't hold their word. I figured that I'm more nervous about my failing Japanese than the fact that I'm actually moving to another country. To illustrate, two week ago I went clubbing to Rotterdam with my friend and the Japanese exchange students from Nagoya. Feeling intimidated by these ten little guys, girls and Nagasaki-senpai who coordinated the whole event, I decided not to hyperventilate and at least try to say something damn Japanese. As I was introduced to one of these guys who obviously enjoyed to (klapzak..) another guy (hey man, if you're into that that's ok, but just don't touch me afterwards..) I only managed to say a half-heartedly "Hajimemashite..". My failure was emphasized with a rolling ball of hay and the sound of crickets. The rest of the evening remained the same, I haven't spoken a single word of Japanese and decided to dance the frustration away. Why the hell do I suck so much? Do you now understand why I've bitten every single nail on my fingers as I desperately tried to calm down the raging storm of insecurity inside of my mind?

Oyes, I also know my address in Japan now! I'll be living on the fourth floor of a five floor (International House) dormitory. I'll be living at number 402 together with Glynis and I hope to kami-sama that I'll have a decent room. Our lovely neighbours are none other than Buddha, Blonde God and Pyke. Sounds awesome! Can't wait to drink a nightcap on my wonderful balcony! The rest is going to live upstairs: two girls at 502 and the three remaining guys at 503.
If you're feeling generous and want to send me stuff, that's cool! Don't hesitate..

So about the weekend, I had my little going away gettogether at the Silly Symphonies in The Hague. It was fun and stuff, but somehow a lot of people managed to cancel their invitation at the last moment. I don't know if that's due to my last minute invite or the fact that they're just plain bastards! Still feeling a bit insulted and thinking that most of them should go fuck themselves, I'm content with the people that actually managed to come. I got some sweet presents that I'll be taking with me to Japan. After the drinks we went to Havana (that's an awesome Latin bar) and I managed to dance energetically as usual, drink cocktails, watch men eyeballing me and turn some of them down. Yes, I'm going to be missing the assertive men in Japan, basically because I am convinced that they have the balls of a four-year old (figurative speaking of course.. right?).

I feel good, yet insecure about my language abilities, exited, and not looking forward to saying goodbye to my best friend and parents..

オランダ語で書いてみます！

Om een of andere reden ben ik in mijn huidige staat te beroerd om in het Engels te bloggen. Ik voel de behoefte om te experimenteren met mijn schrijfstijl en dat komt heus niet door de lege fles Ama.. nah nee dat is serieus een grap. Nee goed, ik ga even in het Nederlands bloggen en als het dan blijkt dat ik geen ongelooflijke allochtoon ben dan zal ik overwegen om op deze voet verder te gaan. Hoewel ik al over 16 dagen het vliegtuig in moet stappen ben ik er redelijk koel onder en dat vind ik vreemd.. Mijn gedachten dwaalden af die ene dag..

Omdat ik zo'n geniale en geweldige vriendin ben besloot om met mijn beste vriendin mee te gaan naar haar propedeuse uitreiking van de studie rechten. Hoewel ik wist dat de ceremonie in een kerk zou worden gehouden en waarschijnlijk drie uur zou duren besloot ik toch maar te gaan. Na een uur doelloos naar de ceremoniemeester te hebben geluisterd keek ik om mij heen en dacht na over mijn opties. Ten eerste, ik wou vluchten! Maar gezien het feit dat mijn hakken te hoog en te luidruchtig waren voor de akoestiek in de kerk en ik niet al te goed gepositioneerd bij de uitgang zat verviel optie nummer een jammer genoeg.

Een hoogleraar begon plotseling te preken over fair balance in European Law en ik had het niet meer. Toen mijn verstand langzamerhand het nulpunt bereikte en ik in de gaten kreeg dat dit een lange zit wou worden besloot ik maar weg te spacen en na te denken over de afgelopen dagen en de dagen die nog komen moeten.

Sneu vind ik dat nu ik weer contact heb met mensen van mijn basisschool en we wel vaker willen afspreken ik uitgerekend wegga naar Japan.

Wat ook jammer is, dat wanneer ik terug ben ik niet meer bij de vertrouwde mensen in de klas zal zitten, maar bij ander tuig dat mij maar senpai moet en zal noemen! Ik sterf ook een beetje van binnen als ik mijn pa's gezicht zie verzuren elke keer als ik "Wanneer ik in Japan ben.." zeg. Hij heeft geen vertrouwen in me en denkt dat ik binnen de kortste keren een ticket naar Nederland zal boeken. Nou, no way dat dat zal gebeuren.

Ook zal ik voorlopig niet meer aan de jazzballet zitten, wat jammer is omdat mijn geniale "Try to be more femine than I am, good luck" docent in mijn optiek echt een superster is!

Ik zal al die dingen missen, maar werkelijk waar, ik voel me verrassend rustig onder de toekomstige veranderingen in mijn leven. Nou hoor ik sommigen al zeggen dat dit komt doordat ik geen ziel heb, en hoewel dit soms wel klopt ben ik nog steeds verrast door mijn state of mind.

Krijg nou wat, drie kwartier waren verstreken en ik voelde me weer opleven. Ik voelde me blij, opgetogen en klaar om een peuk aan te steken en de kerk te verlaten. Maar toen..

Een strijkorkest.

Doushite kami-sama? .. 5 stukjes van Bach? Eh! Ik bleef op mijn plaats en kreeg in de gaten dat ik van mijn programma boekje een soort van mislukte kraanvogel had gevouwen. Wat ben ik toch kinderachtig, dacht ik bij mezelf. Die gedachte had ik al snel verdrongen en dacht na over een gifgroene koffer die ik wel heel graag wilde hebben..

Strijkorkest duurde uiteindelijk maar een kwartier..

Please, No Bombs in the Ambassy

Why do I always have the urge to write insanely after I've consumed a shitload of alcohol the night before? The booze gets my creative juices flowing dude.. Wow, as I read this it sounds nasty. Anyhow, it's the final countdown as I have 23 days left here in Holland. I can't believe that I'll be living in Nagasaki in about a month now. Even my hangover mind can't comprehend the soon to be change of scenery! But I should write less about my drinking activities and write more about my Japan stuff..

Here goes, I finally have my awesome visa! It looks so pretty with its mint green colour and sakura flowers. I give qudows to the esthetics for real! Anyhow, a week or two ago I met up with the Buddha, Blonde God and Glynis at The Hague as we were heading to the Japanese ambassy. As we reached our destination we couldn't find the entrance and stood like morons in front of the intercom. As we were allowed on Japanese territory (because, ambassades zijn kleine landjes, said my highschool history teacher) we entered the building itself and got looked at funny by the security guy. We immediatly noticed the pretty piece of paper that was glued to the window with a big red circle that represented the stuff people shouldn't carry inside the ambassy. So, no cellphones, no cameras (as if..), no whatever and no bombs.. Well excuse me, where should I leave my C14 bomb then? Should I place it in the locker ? Is this like some form of Japanese humor? Don't get me wrong, it's funny though!

As the security guy stripped us from our fancy belongings we made our way towards the lobby loudly. Unsure of what to do next we pressed some random button and continued our conversation until, out of nowhere, some middleaged Japanese lady showed up. Horroresque, dude. After getting over that shock we gave her our pasports and she told that our visas will be ready in three hours. Talk about fast, I remember the Russian ambasassy, as getting a visa there takes a whole week and those Russians are so lazy and mean.

We decided to hang out in Scheveningen for a couple of hours. I'm the local guide there, so why the hell not? It was really early for me (I got up at 8:30.. .. .. what? I love sleeping, sue me..) so I craved for a nice cup of coffee. But, as we were getting out of the ambassy we encoutered a guy we don't like encoutering. We all now who I'm talking about.. he was getting his visa too and asked if we'd wait for him. We all tensed up immediatly and told him that we've been there for a half an hour already and that we so wouldn't wait for him. He agreed. We were happy, we dodged that bullet quite nicely!

In Scheveningen we had a drink of coffee and went to the arcade. The inner child of me and the Buddha was immediatly released as we played Dance Dance Revolution a couple of times and shot at zombies in House of Death. We amused ourselves, but the other two decided to buy lunch and left for a brief moment.

Time flew by and we headed back to the ambassy. Unfortunately, that guy was there again. Isn't that just perfect timing? I raised an eyebrow as usually and decided to bear his unwelcome presence. The lobby was crowded this time and we were loud and annoying. I guess that's why we got our visas so quickly. After that we went for The Hague center and split up. I went for a walk with the two guys to the Media Markt and stuff. We've spend the time gazing at DVD's and my hands itched as I stood before the B-action movies corner. As I saw movies of Jean-Claude van Damme, Segal, Lundgren etc. I freaked out quietly because my love for those kinds of movies goes deep. I controlled my urges and wallet and promised myself that I'd reward myself dearly in Tokyo. Must.. by.. DragonballZ.. remasterd..

So, I'm relaxed and a little bit drunk at the moment, but I'm fired up for Japan as I spent a week in Italy and got an awesome tan! Why are Italian men so hot? Damn, that's a topic worth discussing..