Dreams & Nailbiting

As I stare at my giant, brown suitcase that already weighs 28 kilo's and isn't completely full yet, I instantaneously start shitting bricks, because I hope that I'd be allowed to take all of my stuff on board the British Airways jet! The day after tomorrow is going to be D-Day as I leave this shithole and fly off to the Land of the Rising Sun..

As my face is framed with a stoic expression that hasn't changed for days now, I'm still able to surprise myself with my perfectly calm state of mind. I'm feeling completely Zen now, which is a rare occasion, because I'm usually all over the place and annoyed with people who, speak to me in the morning, bitch to me about useless information or don't hold their word. I figured that I'm more nervous about my failing Japanese than the fact that I'm actually moving to another country. To illustrate, two week ago I went clubbing to Rotterdam with my friend and the Japanese exchange students from Nagoya. Feeling intimidated by these ten little guys, girls and Nagasaki-senpai who coordinated the whole event, I decided not to hyperventilate and at least try to say something damn Japanese. As I was introduced to one of these guys who obviously enjoyed to (klapzak..) another guy (hey man, if you're into that that's ok, but just don't touch me afterwards..) I only managed to say a half-heartedly "Hajimemashite..". My failure was emphasized with a rolling ball of hay and the sound of crickets. The rest of the evening remained the same, I haven't spoken a single word of Japanese and decided to dance the frustration away. Why the hell do I suck so much? Do you now understand why I've bitten every single nail on my fingers as I desperately tried to calm down the raging storm of insecurity inside of my mind?

Oyes, I also know my address in Japan now! I'll be living on the fourth floor of a five floor (International House) dormitory. I'll be living at number 402 together with Glynis and I hope to kami-sama that I'll have a decent room. Our lovely neighbours are none other than Buddha, Blonde God and Pyke. Sounds awesome! Can't wait to drink a nightcap on my wonderful balcony! The rest is going to live upstairs: two girls at 502 and the three remaining guys at 503.
If you're feeling generous and want to send me stuff, that's cool! Don't hesitate..

So about the weekend, I had my little going away gettogether at the Silly Symphonies in The Hague. It was fun and stuff, but somehow a lot of people managed to cancel their invitation at the last moment. I don't know if that's due to my last minute invite or the fact that they're just plain bastards! Still feeling a bit insulted and thinking that most of them should go fuck themselves, I'm content with the people that actually managed to come. I got some sweet presents that I'll be taking with me to Japan. After the drinks we went to Havana (that's an awesome Latin bar) and I managed to dance energetically as usual, drink cocktails, watch men eyeballing me and turn some of them down. Yes, I'm going to be missing the assertive men in Japan, basically because I am convinced that they have the balls of a four-year old (figurative speaking of course.. right?).

I feel good, yet insecure about my language abilities, exited, and not looking forward to saying goodbye to my best friend and parents..